You know what I hate? Meeting someone who asks me, “So, why are you single?” What am I supposed to say to that question? Seriously, this is a real gripe. Essentially, you’re asking me to reveal my insecurities or share other people’s inaccurate (smile) assessments of me. Who wants to start off like that? It just makes the initial conversation beyond awkward. It is like going to a job fair, and a potential employer asks you why you were fired from your last job! You might ask, why is that a bad that if that’s what they want to know.
First off, Mr. New Employer, I don’t know anything about you; thus, I might not even want your job (or to be your girlfriend). More than that, aren’t there better questions to see if you have something in common? Let’s be honest, if I were to tell you the real reason why I think I’m single, we’re probably going to wind up in awkward territory. Similarly, if you were to start telling me everything that was wrong with your last job, I’m probably going to ask, “so what isn’t he telling me that is his fault?”
Consider this, I have deal-breaker questions. Yes, there are certain things that translate into “We are never going to be a couple” no matter how great he is otherwise. Here’s the thing though, I am creative about how I get that information. My need to learn the information fast is not more important than disrespecting someone or hurting feelings. Yes, I still want to know the answers; however, I don’t want you to feel judged by the way I put them out there.
By the way, my deal-breaker questions are as follows:
1) What’s your religious background or spiritual practice?
2) Do you have any kids, and how old are they?
3) What are your interests outside of work?
4) Do you smoke (weed, cigs, or anything else!)?
5) How do you take care of your body?
So, asking me why I’m single is asking me to say something like the following:
▪ The last guy kept showing up extra late for dates because there was always something going on with his kids, their mama, or his mama.
▪ The other guy didn’t have a life, and all he wanted to do is sit at my house when he didn’t have to work. He made me feel crowded.
▪ If you claim you have certain spiritual and religious practices, but everything about you contradicts what you say you believe, I’m probably thinking you’re not trustworthy. I’m not perfect; however, I actively try. I need to see your struggle and efforts. You shouldn’t expect me to be okay with the fact that you say you try; however, your actions always say that you aren’t making progress.
▪ Frankly, you’re unhealthy and everything you eat is fried with cheese and ketchup. FAIL!
Yeah, go ahead and say it: THAT’S TOO MUCH FOR A FIRST CONVERSATION! This is probably too much for the first couple of conversations. But guess what? If you talk about other things and ask different questions, many of these answers will come up naturally. You just need to be smoother. How about these questions?
-What was the last book (or anything longer than a tweet) you read?
-If you had more free time, what causes would you support with your time rather than your wallet?
-What do you think is your best habit?
-If you couldn’t go to the club or movies to chill, what would you do for a social life?
So, enough with this dumb question! What are some of the, “I just met you” questions that you think are worth asking?